The Letters from Hermione
by Totally Raven
Summary: After the War, Hermione corresponds with those important to her. A sad story. Quite good, please read.


A/N: An angsty one piece about Hermione's life fter the War. Written Pre-DH. Please review on the style.

Disclaimer: Don't own...

* * *

_Dear_ Harry,

It's been ages since we've written to one another. I wonder how you're going – working must be hard. You'd not be used to a desk job, I suppose. What made you leave Quidditch? Not that I don't think you'll make a marvelous teacher, but sport was always your passion, your flair.

My job is doing rather well, thank you for asking. When, you wonder? You were the last one to write, and it was nearly six months ago. I never fancied Healing, but I suppose it's in my blood, what with my parents both being dentists – what?

The reason I haven't written in so long is Viktor. We got divorced. I know, I know, Molly was right – we shouldn't have rushed into it during the War. But we were in love, you know. We really were.

How's Ginny? And Ron, for that matter. I don't keep correspondence with the Weasley family as you no doubt know. They cut ties with me about four months ago, but I've no idea why. I think it must be something to do with Percy.

Well, damn it, it's not my fault the family wants nothing to do with him. You know I've always been fond of Percy. He helped me a lot during school and I was very sad to lose him after Voldemort's return. I don't plan on giving him up. He's –

Well, it's not important, I suppose. You probably hate me too, don't you. After all, Viktor's a friend of yours too, and you probably think it's my fault we're getting divorced. We were thinking of it long before Percy, okay? Percy coming into my life was the thing that made us both realise we couldn't go back.

It suits him fine you know. He's interested in Cho now. Well, I say now, but it's been a while. Well, as far as I know it has been. They fly together regularly – as you'd know; you used to fly with them and the Weasley twins, and those three girls from your team when you started at Hogwarts. That's right isn't it?

And of course, how is Draco? Last I heard from you you were having troubles? I hope it's nothing serious. I mean, you're still young and everything but you didn't rush into your relationship like Viktor and I and I think that's always a good sign. But I suppose I'm not helping now, just as I never helped when we were in school.

Did you and Ron really hate me in school when I was a 'know-it-all'? Did you know I didn't mean to be? Did you know that I was just trying to fit in, have people like me for something, for anything! You, I think, should've understood. After all, a lot of the time many people didn't like you, did they? Jesus I'm not helping am I? I'm not surprised if you do hate me, if this is the way I've always been.

Well, I'll send this letter, I suppose, just to prove that I'm not a self-centered knowledge freak. Just to prove that, no matter what, I do love you still Harry, and I hope nothing you hear of me ever changes any good opinion you may have once, if ever, held for me.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Viktor,

I'm glad you are well. Have you heard from Harry recently? I wrote him after we separated, but he never replied. I think he's not speaking to me, like the Weasley's. It's very depressing. I feel so alone, so cut off, so unwanted.

Honestly, does anyone we know still love me? Did they ever love me, or was it just you they were friends with? Because now you're engaged to Cho I haven't heard a word from any of them.

I'd love for the two of you to visit. I'm sure Percy will take the day off work and we can go out somewhere or have a nice home meal.

I do miss having you around you know. I mean, it's not like I'm alone, not with Percy, but we aren't living together and sometimes I miss the company. I hope you don't mind me saying this. It's not like I want to get back together. I think we both know that could never happen, even if we did want it.

But do you miss me too? After all, we were together for a awhile – since I was fifteen… how old where you then? My god, I can't believe I've forgotten… seventeen or eighteen wasn't it?

I'm glad we're still friends, Viktor. You have no idea how alone I feel, with no one else talking to me. I think they all hate me, Viktor. I don't suppose I can blame them.

Anyway, I don't want to tie you up so just owl me back when you think you'll be available to come up and I'll let you know if it works for us too.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Percy,

Dear darling, how have you been? Have your attempts to correspond with your family been successful? Of course I'll write them if you think it's necessary, but darling, remember I don't think it'll make any difference. They haven't spoken to me since Ginny got out of St. Mungo's.

Honey, I'm glad you don't blame me for that. It really wasn't my fault. Your mother has always been so understanding – how can she blame me!? She should be grateful that you were trying to help us and I was trying to help you help us, and … well, you know it.

I told you Viktor and Cho are coming up in a fortnight, didn't I? I must have, we both need that day off work.

Percy … do you think… I don't know if I should ask this, but do you think I chose to become a Healer out of guilt of what happened to Ginny? I mean, it wasn't really my fault…

Was it?

Oh honey, I've been so confused lately. I don't know what's happening to me anymore. I just want to sleep lots and I don't like reading anymore – it's like I don't have the energy for it. For my favourite thing to do!

I must just be stressed. It's just like third year all over again – Harry and Ron hating me, not having any friends … you know, only you and Viktor (and Cho) are talking to me at the moment. No one else has written to me in over six months!

Haha, I suppose I'm just being paranoid. Not everyone can really hate me, can they?

Oh, honey, I'm sorry I've made this into a sap letter. I meant to be talking to you about you, not my ridiculousness.

So really, darling, how have you been? I hate having you away so long, but you'll be back on Monday – it is Monday, isn't it? Still, it's worth going to see Bill if he invited you to stay while you're working so I don't blame you for spending the extra weekend with him. If I had siblings and I was in your situation I'm sure I'd do the same thing.

Give him my love, won't you? I'm not sure he'll accept it, but offer anyway.

Oh dear. I have to go soon, or I'm going to start whinging at you again.

I love you honey.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Ron,

I … I don't know what to say. Don't rip this up! Please just hear me out.

I … goddamn, I've never been lost for words before. I want to know why you hate me Ron! Why don't you speak to me anymore? Why doesn't anyone speak to me anymore? Just tell me why and if you don't want I'll never write you again.

Give everyone my love…

_Love _Hermione.

-

_Dear _Harry,

I know I was a long time in replying to your last letter, but are you going to reply to mine at all?! It's been eight months.

I tried writing Ron. I suppose he told you. None of the Weasleys but Percy have spoken to me in a whole year now. My god, do you know how lonely I've been? I work everyday and smile blankly at all these people I'll never see again. I converse falsely with colleagues, and all I wish is that you and Ron would speak to me!

I suppose I'm a bit crazy, huh? Crazy. Crazy. I've certainly got the hair for it.

Anyway when I tried to write Ron he either just ripped the letter up or he's going to ignore it. But I'll tell you what I told him: just tell me why you hate me and I'll never bother you again.

Please. We used to be friends. Doesn't that count for anything?"

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Remus.

Hello! My god, you have no idea how good it was to hear from you! Finally, someone is talking to me – someone doesn't hate me!

Things have been okay for me. It's been a rough year, as you no doubt know. I got divorced, I've established a career and I've lost all my friends. The Weasleys stopped talking to me over twelve months ago. I think it must be my fault why – it's either because of Ginny. I didn't mean for that to happen you know! I thought I'd covered my absence – I thought she'd be okay. Hestia was supposed to fill my place at Ginny's side while I went on the espionage with Percy. Minerva said it was all sorted.

But it's either because of that or it's just Percy himself. We've been seeing each other for eighteen months now. Just before Viktor and I got divorced. Of course, the Weasleys may hate me for that, too.

I don't know, everyone just seems to hate me. I don't suppose you can blame them really. I mean, consider me when I was in school – I bossed people around and was an intellectual snob, a show off! Okay, I didn't mean to be and I didn't realise it was so bad, but it's still my fault everyone at Hogwarts hated me, isn't it?

If they don't hate me for that they hate me for being a Mudblood. I used to be proud of my heritage and my magic. It was hard to do, but I've learned that they're irreconcilable. I thought about giving one or the other up, but I just can't so I live in shame of it and try to cover my Muggle side from Magi and my magic side from Muggles.

And then I suppose … well, let's just say I don't have anything to keep a friend, do I? I'm not pretty at all, and my hair is atrocious – I'm embarrassing to be seen with.

Oh, goddamn, Remus, I'm sorry. You wrote me to see how I was and instead I whine at you for the whole letter. Well, Remus, I guess it's because you've made an effort. I've just been so down lately, so down on myself, so stressed, so worried… I just really needed someone to talk to and it's almost like … fate that you should write me. It's probably just a bad patch – it's not like I'm depressed or anything! Hah. Not that anyone would care. You have no idea how lonely I am. Well, you would know better than most people, Remus, I guess, but still … I really am lonely.

But I'm not so bad, I guess otherwise. I'm not dying of any diseases or something. Not heart disease, cancers, nothing… fit as a proverbial fiddle. So I can't be suffering or anything, can I? Maybe if I was people would stop ignoring me and write me back.

God, Remus, I'm sorry. Listen, write me back. Tell me how you're going. I'd love to hear from you. And whine at me all you like.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Viktor,

Anytime you want to come up is always lovely! It's wonderful to hear Cho is pregnant; why would I be upset? I know we tried and it didn't work, but that would never spoil my happiness for you. You're newlyweds – this must be the best news you could get.

Just Owl me when you want to visit, like last time. Percy's away again so I'm dog lonely. I'm off work on Friday if that suits you.

_Love _Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Percy,

Cho's pregnant! I can't believe it. After all the time Viktor and I tried for a baby and she's pregnant just like that. Snap of the fingers.

They're coming up on Friday, so I suppose that's all we'll talk about…

Oh, I'm not angry really. It was just a shock. I'm glad he'll be able to have children. I never thought either of us had a problem, but if Cho gets pregnant that easily and … well, maybe I…

What if I can't have children, Percy? I know this is probably something we should discuss face to face, but I just need to express myself. What would happen to us? I know we've never discussed marriage or anything. But I had always hoped that, well… and that we might have a family I guess.

What if we can't? Do you … I mean _would_ you leave me for it? I can understand if you did. I mean, children … you want them, you know I won't stop you.

Haha, look at me. How pathetic I'm being. It's not even definite I can't have children. It might have just been Viktor and I weren't compatible or … or something.

When do you come back again, honey? My memory has been terrible lately. I think it's because I can't sleep. I know what you're going to think, but no! Everything is fine! I don't know why – you and Remus both think something is wrong. It's seriously nothing.

Speaking of Remus, I'd better write him back too… I think I'll leave it 'til tomorrow.

But I'd better go now, honey. I have to work in an hour.

Love you more,

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Ron,

Well, I guess I'll never know what I did wrong, will I? Oh well, I don't suppose it matters anymore… nothing does.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear _Remus,

Nothing is wrong! How can anything be wrong when Percy got back yesterday and asked me to marry him! I'm so happy I could die. It almost seems as if all the stresses of the past eighteen months have disappeared. Ginny and Ron and Harry don't seem to matter in light of my newfound happiness.

Still, I do still wish things weren't as they are there. But I mustn't think of these things that get me down, must I? I'm going to be married!

Yes, yes, I know, again. And no, I won't say to a man that I truly love, because I really did love Viktor. We loved each other greatly, and even though the past two years have been utter, well, _shite_, the only thing that wasn't hard was our divorce. How odd does that sound? But it's because it was so consensual. There were no fights or hard feelings and now he's my closest friend.

Or my only friend…

Hah, what the matter? I'm finally happy again!

You must come to the wedding, Remus. I command it of you.

…

_Love _Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Harry.

I suppose you've heard I'm getting married. I'd like you to be there, even though you do hate me. But I'm not going to invite because you hate me and I know you won't show up.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Minerva,

I'm terribly glad to hear you'll be attending the wedding! It's the happiest moment of my life, it truly is.

Was it Remus who told you? It must have been. Now, Minerva, he's lying to you. I've not been nearly as bad as all that. True, I was moderately stressed for a brief period a short while back, but … everything's fine.

I'm glad you've heard from Harry recently. It's nice to know that he's a good teacher. And how do you like retirement? I can never imagine retiring … not for a long, long time. Not the sort of retirement you've settled into, anyway.

Harry doesn't talk to me anymore, Minerva, so no I've not heard from him. None of them have spoken to me since Ginny's accident. Minerva, I've always meant to ask you what happened there… you told me Hestia was fixed to take my place … how did it end up that Ginny had no cover? In an ambush like that it's essential!

… Dammit. It really was my fault she was hit by the Imperius, isn't it? I fell through… but I wouldn't have thought a Death Eater would use Imperius to make someone … do _that_ … to themselves. Throwing yourself into a vat of boiling oil…

I saw her in St Mungo's, you know. Oil really is everything they say. It really does stick to the skin. She was burnt so badly … I'm surprised she survived.

I never understood why Voldemort was hiding in that factory anyway…

Still, it's all past us, isn't it? I'm getting married, now…

Ahem, well, I look forward to see you at the wedding, Minerva.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Percy.

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me.

Please.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear _Mum and Dad,

I've missed you. You won't be hearing from me again, though. I'm so sorry, but there's no other way.

I'll always love you,

_Love_ Hermione.

-

_Dear_ Whomever,

Who would've thought it would come to this?

I had no other option, you understand? Trust me – I would know if there was. I've been thinking about this for almost two and a half years – ever since Ginny's accident. That _was_ my fault. I didn't see it at first, but I always felt so guilty.

I know you all blame me. That I, who thought she knew everything, should've known better. But you were supposed to be my friends! Couldn't you forgive me?

I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear it! Ginny was my best friend – Hestia was supposed to take my place.

In any case, I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry. For everything. For ever having been born, for I know now that Harry and Ron never wanted me around, because I was a smart-arse know-it-all who just made their lives hell. So I'm sorry I was born, too.

And…

And goodbye.

_Love_ Hermione.

-

Please review on the style of writing. Did you understand the story, where the depression came from, etc. Did you get enough information from the fractured exposition?


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